Nice Guys on Tinder?

Tinder is now officially a phenomenon. The dating app now matches up to 5 million people a day and in the last 24 hours the company has announced that it is going to be introducing ‘verified’ Tinder accounts for celebrities, presumably so they can hook up with each other, or any super hot random person they see.

That’s all fine and amazing for the app creators but is the ‘Nice Guy’ trope creeping into the app? The idea that a guy will tell you your cute and ask where your from before asking you to sleep with him and if you refuse ‘then what the hell are you doing on this app you slut’ line of thinking. Maybe ‘Tinder Guy’ is an offshoot of the ‘Nice Guy’ category, the same way the ‘Cool Girl’ is almost an evolution of the ‘Manic Pixie Dream Girl’?

Is ‘Tinder Guy’ the one who assumes that you both swiped right so you obviously want to bang him without a second thought? Yes, I think he is. And ‘Tinder Guy’ is annoyed that you don’t want to sleep with him! Well mate, that is not going to happen, unless one of those verified celebrity users is named Gosling or Cumberbatch. I may make an exception there.

I downloaded Tinder about two months ago out of curiosity. It’s a fun app, the swiping becomes really addictive and you get a window into your own deep superficiality. But I’ve noticed in the last few conversations that I’ve had on the app that there seems to be an assumption among some of the male users that sex is an automatic guarantee. Some don’t even have to fake curtesy to ask you how you are or where your from.

This, for example is a message I got recently from a match;

What a classy guy.

What a classy guy.

Ah Denis, I don’t know what annoys me more, the fact you didn’t even say hello or the fact you cannot take the extra ten seconds to write the word ‘You’ or maybe it’s the fact you didn’t even proposition me in a elegant way. No, I think Denis darling, what annoys me most about this is the fact that you assumed that I would tell you where I am, and that if you were in a nearby location that I would meet you and just have sex with you. I mean, you are “gagging for a ride”, and who am I to deny you that? I am merely an online vagina delivery service that can help you out in your time of need. Oh Romance!

Another gem that made my phone beep expectantly came in today and actually shocked me a little bit. I would like to introduce you to the gentleman who calls himself Aaron;

Another charmer

Another charmer

I will admit that this one shocked me a little bit. Now, I’m internet hardened like the rest of you. There are some seriously sick puppies online and some men seem to relish talking to women like shit. But in all honestly, I had never been spoken to like that on Tinder. Sure there was the mild to medium indignation that I didn’t want to have sex after five minutes of conversation, but there was never any really bad language used.

I had never experienced this in my time on Tinder, the complete dismissal of respect. What did he really think I was going to say back? Did he think I was going to beg for anything from him? It saddens me a little bit to say that yes, he probably did expect some reply back, begging him to have sex to me.

Will this attitude spread on Tinder? You only need to look at other online communities like Reddit where the disrespect and general attitude of treating women like objects to be used by men is rampant. Will this spread to hook-up apps too? The idea that if a women has downloaded an app means they must love casual sex and that they are all easy to get into bed? You only need to Google ‘Tinder Screenshots’ to see what kind of messages being sent. You will see a lot of messages from guys asking for sex and being told no before throwing the old chestnuts of ‘bitch’ or ‘slut’ at a woman who dared not to have sex with them. Seriously ladies, how dare you not sleep with such lovely men! How very dare you!

Will some guys use this theory to shame women into feeling bad about having the app in the first place? It’s almost like, your a slut if you do sleep with a stranger, and yet your still a slut for not having sex with him but being on the app in the first place. I assume that the above ignorants are just a very small subset of the people who use Tinder. I’ve had some very cute and funny conversations with guys who seem like generally good guys. It’s a fun app and should be light and breezy, flirting never hurt anyone and if it leads to something more, then great. Consensual non shaming sex for the win!

I just hope guys (and girls) realise that sex on Tinder isn’t a right. And that ‘Tinder Guy’ gets blocked and reported in 2 seconds flat.

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